The Philippines Star reports today that a man in Plaridel, Bulacan is being hunted down for, take this, raping a chicken -- apparently a prized Texas breeder. The aggrieved owner said that the hen was gasping for breath when he caught the man and the hen in flagrante delicto. The hen was so traumatized by the whole incident it subsequently died-- of multiple lacerations, needless to say.
Some people may be reminded of that teenage flick American Pie, where the lead actor attempted to make love to an apple pie, but the most celebrated description of such unconventional desires can be found in Philip Roth's Portnoy's Complaint, wherein the teenage Portnoy made love to a liver (beef, I think, for the family was Jewish), which his mother served for dinner later. Read the book, or ( as de rigeur in reading such dirty novel)just the relevant passages, and see how Portnoy agonized over the dinner table that night. For how can you eat something you've just made love to? That's practically cannibalism, definitely not kosher.
Given the slow-as-molasses turning of the wheels of justice in this country, the man from Bulacan who raped the hen may never be meted punishment for his gallinaceous indiscretion. What did Karl Marx say? To each according to his needs -- right. All I know is that somewhere in a coop in Bulacan, a rooster is plotting vengeance.