Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Love's labor lost

Into the boundary of each married man, Sir Elton John sings in Sacrifice, sweet deceit comes calling. In the case of James Yap, the calling must have happened sometime between the facial and the scrub. As the old skin and corporeal detritus sloughed off, the matrimonial vow must have washed off with the exfoliation, such is the efficacy of Belo's various treatments.

Ricky Lo reports today that a close friend of Kris Aquino believes the couple would eventually break up. Why should a single infidelity ruin a marriage? James Yap already said sorry, he never cohabitted with Hope Centeno, and has no plan whatsoever to carry on whatever trysts may have happened between them in the past. Why can't the couple simply move on?

In married life, exactly what is it that is so hurtful about an infidelity? Admittedly, unless there's sexually transmitted disease involved, a sexual tryst outside of marriage is of middling practical cost to the offended spouse. Bill Clinton got sucked by Monica Lewinsky; it was big deal alright for the uptight Republicans (who presumably never get any) but marital infidelity hardly ruined Hillary Clinton's weltanschauung. Or Loi Estrada's marriage, for that matter. Why then should Kris not just sleep this over, patch things up with James Yap and simply buy those facials and scrubs you see at Watson's?

If you break up your marriage just because your spouse had sex with another person, you are in effect admitting that your marriage is nothing more but a venue for legit sexual relation. As John Milton wrote in Doctrine & Discipline of Divorce, "What is this but secretly to instruct us, that however many grave reasons are pretended to the married life, yet that nothing indeed is thought worth regard therein but the prescribed satisfaction of an irrational heat?"

If you as a married couple tide over a lifetime without a single infidelity, that's outstanding and worthy of emulation. But there is more to marriage than sexual monogamy. Writing in Against Love, Laura Kipnis said "Adultery is one way of protesting the confines of coupled life; of course there's always murder." Let's just all be happy James Yap didn't grab the kitchen knife.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

i'm not sure about being happy that james yap didn't grab the kitchen knife. maybe he could've done so many people a favor if he just grabbed it instead. but where's the fun in that?

"In married life, exactly what is it that is so hurtful about an infidelity?"

who likes being duped? especially by no less than your "beloved"? a bit hard to get over for a lot of people, i guess.

Ronnel said...

Some say that the problem with an infidelity is not so much the sex outside the kulambo, but the realization that there is now another person your spouse can truly be honest with. That's what hurts.

R. O. said...

i agree. also, it's not so much about the vertical sex as much as the fact that he's just gotten married and his wife is expecting. maybe doing it after a year would've been a lot more 'natural'

R. O. said...

yup, even for a playboy/overly macho man.

Ronnel said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ronnel said...

doing it after a year would've been a lot more 'natural'

The sex in question though is apparently not the regular sex a man usually gets from a wife. There are innuendos written about various positions Kris allegedly was never too adventurous to try. One showbiz tabloid columnist even said James Yap only had an encounter with Hope because the man has too much respect for the wife to ask her to do certain things. So Kris should thank the guy instead of separating with him. What a spin!

But then again some would say that, nothwithstanding the sexual acrobatics, monogamy is against nature and is not natural.

Anonymous said...

yeah, like disease, which is but natural, hehe.

that's a stolen quote from john irving - r.o.

Anonymous said...

yeah, like disease, which is but natural, hehe.

that's a stolen quote from john irving - r.o.