Friday, February 20, 2004

The saga continues...
Limpbwizit's continuing coverage of the SC arguments:

after a recess, the oral arguments on the disqualification case against fernando poe jr. resumed.

counsel for petitioners, known in the legal profeesion as mega-lawyer atty. sharon cuneta, presents her argument...

Chief Justice: Counsel, you cannot argue before this court in that red and black gown, you should wear your robe.

Atty. Cuneta-Pangilinan: With all due respect your honor, this gown was made by rajo laurel especially for this occasion (waves at the video camera and smiles)...HI RAJO!

Chief Justice: This court is not a ramp, robe yourself or you will be cited for contempt!

Atty. Cuneta-Pangilinan: With all due respect Honorable Chief justice, if you insist that i robe myself, i will transfer to the other court!

Chief Justice: Which court?

Atty. Cuneta-Pangilinan: The Cuneta Astrodome!

Justice Artemio Panganiban (whispers to the Chief Justcie): let her argue in that off-shoulder gown, or else we will be mobbed by sharonians.

Chief Justice: the Court allows the counsel to speak before this court wearing a rajo laurel gown, but let it be on record that this should not take precedence.

Atty. Cuneta: Thank you very much honorable justices. The third contention of the petitioners is that, according to my husband kiko, Tito Ron is not a natural-born filipino citizen...i'm sorry talaga tita susan,tito ron,tita helen at tito sen i just have to do this because kiko is with the administration kasi e...i'm sorry your honors but i can not proceed in arguing this case.

Chief Justice: This court understands why you cannot. We take judicial notice of the fact of the megastar's close association with the king and queen of philippine movies and also with the campaign manager of the respondent. you may take your seat. who will present the third argument of the petitioners?

Atty. Jolina Magdangal : I will your honor.

Chief Justice: But not in that orange blouse and purple pants and all those dangling accessories.

Atty. Magdangal: Your Honors, with all due respect, it would be travesty of justice to allow my colleague atty. cuneta to argue in a rajo laurel and not allowing me to argue in my own creation, these items being original filipino creations that are on display in my burloloy shops.

Chief Justice (whispers to Justice Panganiban): how many fans does this lady have?

Justice Panganiban: she used to have many but her career is on a free fall.

Chief Justice: Counsel, this court allowed atty. cuneta to speak in a rajo laurel because what she was wearing was a gown.

Atty. Magdangal: But your honors, these are the same clothes that i wear when i host the TV program The Working President, and in that program, i am face-to-face with the president of the philippines.

Chief Justice: Ok, to preserve the sanctity of the principle of co-equality between the three branches of government, we will allow to descend to the level of the executive and let counsel argue in clothes that she usually wears when facing the president. proceed with your arguments.

Atty. Magdangal: Thank you your honors. it is just timely that we are discussing about clothing and fashion here because the third contention of the petitioners is that respondent fernando poe jr. is naturally an american citizen because he wears a jacket over long-sleeved shirts all the time, as in grabe, all the time talaga, even on summer. with all the chuva-chu-choo about jus sanguinis and jus soli and res ipsa chu-chu-bels, the answer to the question on whether respondent fernando poe jr. is a natural-born filipino is borne by fernando poe jr. himself.

Justice Antonio Carpio: Counsel, do you mean to say that because counsel for the respondent atty. german moreno wears colorful coats all the time, and in your own words, as in all the time talaga, he is not a filipino?

Atty. Magdangal: Thank you for bringing that up mister justice, the case of counsel german moreno is different because he could not, in any case, be a filipino because he is a filipina

Mme. Justice Conchita Carpio-Morales: Corny! I've already heard that having been said about ernie maceda!

Atty. Magdangal: your honors, the philippines is a tropical country and it's so unnatural for a filipino, and someone of respondent fernando poe's stature, to be donning jackets, leather or otherwise, over a long-sleeved shirt all the time even in his fight scenes in the movie panday, which was supposed to be in a desert and also when he has fight scenes in rivers or other bodies of water, like his movie with counsel sharon cuneta. these, your honors, clearly show that the respondent is not a filipino but an american.

it is to be noted that the masculine national costume of the philippines is the barong tagalog and if you are truly proud of your cultural heritage, you are not supposed to wear a leather jacket on top of your barong.

Justice Renato Corona: I have seen this movie where he was a police officer, but i can't exactly remember if he wore short-sleeved poilce uniform in that movie. Can u enlighten us on that counsel?

Atty. Magdangal: you are talking about batas ko ang hahatol your honor but even in that movie, he wore a black leather jacket over of his police uniform. he, the respondent, is making a huge insult to the filipino culture and the integrity of the colors of our police by either not wearing the filipino costume or covering it with a jacket. if this honorable court could recall, in fernando poe's san miguel ad six years ago, he was supposed to be katipunero in that ad, but instead of wearing red pants with one of the manggas rolled up and white camisa and salakot and was supposed to be carrying a spear made of bamboo, he wore an elegantly-designed long-sleeved silk uniform with some insignias that i couldn't understand and carried a silver sword just like the spaniards. and it was supposed to be an ad made specially for the centennial, but he looked like a spaniard. it was the centennial celebrati8on of philippine independence and he was like, hello? wearing a spanish general's costume? hello?

take these facts together, your honors, and you will realize that we wasted so much time in arguing whether respondent fernando poe jr. is filipino or not.

Chief Justice: Are you the final speaker for the petitioner?

Atty. Magdangal: Secret!

counsel for respondent, atty. anabel rama-gutierrez, is so furious but at the same time nervous because of the brilliance of the argument of counsel jolina magdangal. she approached the stand and saw a crying atty. sharon cuneta secretly waving at her from the other side. amicus curiae kris aquino was also making a secret wave under her robe. atty. rama-gutierrez snobbed both of them.

Atty. Rama-Gutierrez: Maayong buntag dong! (referring to the cebuano Chief Justice)

Before i proceed with the respondent's third contention, i would like to manifest to this honorable court that counsel for petitioners, atty. magdangal, is malandi. why i say that she's malandi, because she wants to see the body of fernando poe jr., that's why she's complaining that fernando poe jr. is always wearing long-sleeves. naku day! halata naman masyado na sobrang landi mo. tingnan mo naman 'yan, pati si ronnie na ang tanda-tanda na ay pinapantsaya mo pa. tama nga siguro ang narinig ko na balita na may syota ka na DOM na pulitiko.

Chief Justice: proceed with your arguments!

Atty. Rama-Gutierrez: Mr. Chief Justice, i'm just getting warmed up. Ronnie is a natural-born filipino citizen because i know!

filipino gyud sya, i will not say how i knew about it because my husband eddie might kill me. pero hibaw-an ko gyud kung pinoy o dili kay katilaw man ko ug foreigner pero iba lagi sila sa pinoy. Guisulti man sa ako ni ruffa, kay daghan man sya natilawan, pareho lagi among hi-baw-an parte sa mga pinoy.

Mme. Justice Ynares-Santiago: what do you mean?

Chief Justice: The counsel is saying that she's sure fernando poe jr. is a filipino because she has tried foreigners and she knows the distinctions. Her daughter ruffa also shared to her everything and they both agree on the distinctiveness of the filipino.

Amicus Curiae Kris Aquino: Tita Annabel, i know that, you're so naughty talaga! don't tell me pati si Yilmaz...

Atty. Rama-Gutierrez: ang landi mo talaga kris, pati ba naman si Yilmaz. hindi naman ako gaga no, hindi ako pumapatol sa may asawa!!! at lalong di sa asawa ng anak ko! That's all your honors!

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